I know I have not been here much

[nadinbrzezinski]

but with dad home from his hip surgery it is getting interesting. He fell and broke it.

Now of course he is playing all the classic games and pushing all kinds of buttons to try NOT to do his therapy.

Damn... it is a good thing I learned to distance myself from those games over a decade ago... (yes it took going to see somebody).

Anyhow, one of the things I have been doing is taking random notes. I realize that many of our aging parents will be where my dad is right now. And there are many things that kids are not ready for. We can start with the every popular what questions to ask from medical providers, to just knowing what to take to the ER. I knew, I used to be a medic, so I told my mother... gather all his meds into a bag. Admittedly I reverted to training.

Now that race is now a marathon... and finding the time to breath and be by one self is critical... but also remember, parents... just like kids, will revert to a younger age (them things one learns from theory and now I am seeing in full and absolute glory). But unlike your three year old, you cannot send them to the corner for time out. So you have to be gentle. After all, there is a measure of a role reversal here. I have become the parent, and he has become the three year old, fully dependent on us for things such as going to the table. (wheelchair bound)

What makes this more difficult is that he is a holocaust survivor... thankfully not a camp survivor, but the issues from that war, long ago forgotten by some, are bubbling up, like a festering wound. And yes, that is partly because he refused to see somebody and overcome it. As that woman I saw, also a holocaust survivor, put it, he is still a victim. He is not a survivor. Since he is still a victim he is playing the classic games... and if you know what I am talking about, you will identify them immediately, including the ever so popular, why don't you have pity on me? And the ever so lovely, what do you want from an 83 year old? Only for you to do your therapy so you can get off that damn wheelchair.

So, that is what I have been doing, and keeping up with politics and news is hard to do at best.

Nadin

PS... yes out of this experience I can smell a book. I believe it is a sorely needed one.

[leftchick]

My 89 yo Father is declining rapidly. I live out of town so his primary care is left to my sister and brother. I do what I can when I go home and It is hard. I look at it as, and told my Dad, it is payback for all of those bottles and diapers. He laughed. Luckily my Father is not playing the victim game. On the contrary, he is losing his memory rapidly and he knows he is losing control, that makes it very sad. I look at it as a bell jar that is almost completely over him. I cherish the few lucid moments he has had with me in the last year because I doubt we have many left at all.

The circle of life. Write that book.

[Terwilliger]

and everything else, of course

I have an aging father (none of the circumstances of your father) who's pushing 80. He's still mobile and active. He can get from point A to point B with some difficulty, but he's still pretty much able to take care of himself. I worry about the time that he'll have special needs, since I don't really have the wherewithall to help him effectively. I mean, I have 5 brothers and sisters who will help, but I wonder how much they will help. It's complicated and tiring to think about.